His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My ass is underappreciated
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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