the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
