Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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