I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
