I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
