I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
