Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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