it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
