The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
