I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
