I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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