This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
