I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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