we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize