did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
