wakey wakey hands off snakey
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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