a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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