well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
