What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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