that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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