I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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