Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
