sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
