but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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