the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
