K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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