Duck Duck Cougar?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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