I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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