I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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