Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
