I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
