im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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