I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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