3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
