Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
