I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
