hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
