After last night, I could never be a politician.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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