he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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