yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
