Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
