If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
