Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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