and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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