I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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