If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love you. Go after that dick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
