Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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