tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
