your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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