you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
