If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
4 words: hood of his car
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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