There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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