um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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