why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
