im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
