he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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