She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
