I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
