She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
