i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
