She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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