if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
