I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
