he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
