Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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