I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize