I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
