the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
