You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and she was petting her beer can
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
