i may or may not be watching the land before time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
