i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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